My Abilities

Most of my life I have felt like the odd man out, like I didn't quite belong. I couldn't seem to relate to people the way others around me could.  Even as a child I felt I felt distant, unlike everyone else. I felt older that my physical years. I sensed and talked to spirits. I felt them round me, I even had a playmate as a child that no one other than I could see. But I think that growing up in a strict catholic home with a mother who was a Nun before she married my father. We didn't talk about spirits. I dont know if it was my mother or my father who either saw spirits or were able to sense them as I do.  It wasnt until a few years back talking to my brother that I learned that he saw spirits too. So once again my family is great at keeping secrets.

So now here I am in my 40's trying to understand this gift I have been given, what do I do with it? how do I use it?  How do I relearn all the things that as a child came natural? The seeing and speaking to spirits as a child is as natural as drawing breath. Yet as I grew older in a society that pushed those things aside, told us that they were evil if we chose to worship a male and a female entity. Once I learned about the God and The Goddess and Paganism I finally began to feel things fall into place. I have been reconnecting with the gifts I have been given. You see I am an Empath and a Clairsentience. To explain what that means. An Empath is in short a sponge, they soak up everyones emotions and feelings. You find yourself battling with all kinds of emotions that sometimes will hit you out of no where, And that is the hardest part is separating your feelings from the what others are feeling.  And being a Clairsentience is a very heightened form of being an Empath. Its the ability to feel the past, present and sometimes the future of a building, homes and public places. For as long as I can remember I would walk into certain places and just get this overwhelming sense of a presence other than the ones I could see. For most of my life I considered these to just be panic attacks. I don't like being somewhere with a large group of people.  I tend to shut down as it is very overwhelming for me.

With the help of some wonderful people I have met in person and those I have meet through an online support group, I am slowly learning how to deal with these things. I am getting better at shielding. Which in short  means putting up a physic and emotional wall around myself so that I am not as affect by others feeling and emotions. I still don't like being in certain social settings. But I am getting better. Everyday is a learning experience. But I continue to push ahead.  I take things one day at a time.